My Personal Struggle 

with the Creative Being that I AM

I struggle, usually every day, to fulfill the desire to live a big life. One that is full of colour, fibre, paint, nature, sun, joy, water, dye, thrift store finds, goods made by others, spinning, knitting, drawing, gallery visits, travel, exploration, and really just everything.

My Creative Self struggles to work within the constraints of time, money, the need to eat, and the need to sleep. My creative self also struggles with doing dishes, cleaning the bathroom, keeping up friendships, part time work, parenting and the desire to do anything but create.

My creative self is a part of who I am and I cannot deny it any more then I could decide not to breathe and remain alive.

Over the years I have struggled. I have been labeled; a cry baby, dramatic, demanding, eccentric, severe depressions, bi polar, border line personality disorder, anxiety, major depression, difficult, and most recently postpartum depression.

I do not deny that chemical imbalances within my body play a role in my struggles, but I reject the idea that I am ill. That I need to be or can be cured.

I understand the need to label. I know why my mental state of mind has become an illness, one that will be taken seriously by some and laughed off by others. Without this label our current social culture could not understand, categorize or otherwise make sense of my need to stay in bed one day and create all day the next. My quick and seemingly impulsive decisions, my over the top passion that borderlines on obsessive, my absolute love for the people in my life one minute and then my complete rejection of them the next just does not fit into the image society holds of a fully 'functioning' person. 

Without categorization as an illness and all the labels that come with it, my struggle, has no name. It is hard to take seriously within the current cultural framework. A framework that allows for vast amounts of independence within the constructed constraints of 'socially acceptable’. The current cultural paradigm does not allow for the fullness of the personality quirks that make us all so uniquely human.

Label me if you have to, if it makes it easier, but I am not ill. I am creative. I may take medication to balance my serotonin levels, or vitamins to keep me healthy. I may eliminate foods from my diet or need to set an alarm to make sure I go to bed at a certain time. I may do yoga, mediate, walk. I may use essential oils or herbal remedies. I may cancel on you unexpectedly or ask you to take my work shift only to be found posting pictures of my latest creative endeavor on social media. I may not ever live up to your expectations as a friend, a mother, a wife, or a community member. It does not matter, because I am me and I accept my whole self.

I am very lucky to have a family and friends who do too. To have met a man who even if he does not understand me completely gets that I need to create to breathe. These people do not ask me to sacrifice who I am to make them more comfortable, they make accommodations for me, just as I do for them.

So I will continue to struggle every day, sometimes less, and sometimes more. I will continue to fight to find the balance between being a creator, a spouse, a mother, an employee and a community member. I will not, however, sacrifice or deny who I am to do any of the above because, to be totally honest, I would not have it any other way.

Important Note: 

This post could be taken as a down play on mental health issues. It is not. As someone who has been hospitalized for severe depression I take mental health very seriously. I have just come to see it in a different light. If you are reading this and don't relate, that is understandable, this is a very personal take on very diverse subject. This article is not meant as a substitute for medical advice. If you are suicidal or are overwhelmed with your struggle, ask for help. There is no shame in asking for help. Asking for help is brave. I ask for help all the time.

Unraveling the Sweater

I love to shop at thrift stores. 

I love to find unique and one of a kind things. 

I love the idea of saving something from the landfill and re purposing it. 

 I am so down to up-cycle: taking something 'old' and making it 'new' again. 

Unraveling thrift store sweaters for yarn is an obvious no brainier for me, but I can't take credit for the idea. I am actually sure that people have been doing this for as long as there has been yarn to unravel from sweaters! For me the idea came when surfing the web one lazy afternoon last year around February. I stumbled, so to speak, across Ashley Martineau's blog. Then Neauveau Fiber Arts and now How to Spin Yarn. It was her How to Unravel a Sweater to Recycle Yarn article that got me started on unraveling sweaters, something I still do. 

I have even used unraveled yarn to corespin with!

 I created over 150 yards of core-spun yarn by spinning around my recycled sweater yarn with semi felted Alpaca (Semi Felted- a happy accident that took place during my first forays into washing my own fleece) and then wrapping it during plying with a wool single from Custom Woolen Mills in Alberta. I still had enough yarn left over for My latest use in:

 Day 19 Square for My Granny Could Knit That personal challenge 

I still have lots of this yarn left... my guess... over 150 yards still to be used!

Being an Artisan Vendor at a Farmers' Market:

A Series of Five Short Essays 

 

So your table is set. You have spent the last month getting ready—creating inventory, designing labels, and figuring out your display—and the last fifteen minutes agonizing over getting it just right. It’s a coolish but beautifully sunny day at the beginning of June: the first Farmers’ market of the year. You’re excited: anticipating the people that you’ll meet, all the creations that you may sell. Fast forward to the end of market day.  You talked to lots of people, your friends dropped by as promised, your mum bought a token item in support, but you barely sold a thing. The excitement has gone, you feel let down. As you take down your displays and carefully pack away your goods, you wonder what did I do wrong?

The above scenario is hypothetical but realistic. Most artisan vendors will experience something similar at least once, if not several times over. People often frequent their local Farmers’ Market to buy fresh local produce: the idea of purchasing beautiful, one of a kind hand-crafted goods not uppermost in their mind, if there at all. Aah, the challenge of being an artisan vendor at a Farmers’ Market!

It’s hard not to, but don’t let the type of situation just described put you off vending at your Farmers’ Market. There are many positives to vending at your local market; making sales is just one aspect of it and the others are worth exploring.

In this first short essay (blog post) I am going to focus on being a regular at the market.

Essay One: 

Committing to Be There; Why You Should Become a Seasonal Vendor

For a vendor to get the most out of a Farmers’ Market, people need to get acquainted with their offerings. This means that you need to be a regular, and a great way to do that is to become a seasonal vendor. To be considered a seasonal vendor at your local Farmers’ Market you need to buy a season’s pass. These may offer a small discount on the per-market fee that you would normally pay but they come with some perks such as the same spot every week and free features in the Market’s advertising.

The commitment of a seasonal pass to your Farmers’ Market is a commitment to your community as well as to your business, and can result in paybacks in different ways.

To get down to the nitty-gritty of Farmers’ Market vending and why it’s all worth it, I spoke to a couple of seasoned vendors from my local Farmers’ Market (The Rossland Mountain Market). Susan from RiverstoneYarns and Tricia Rasku from TR by Hand were both very willing to share what they have learned from being artisan vendors: the drawbacks and the amazing positives.

Susan, of Riverstone Yarns, focuses on hand dyed yarn in stunning colourways to sell at the market. She explained that she likes being a vendor at her local Farmers’ Market because it is a connection to the community. When she visits other towns, she likes to visit the Farmers’ Market there to see what other artisans are doing and to support the local economy. Susan likes to be realistic about her sales, often she does not aim for high sales, rather she aims to cover her vendor costs. Susan views being at the Farmers’ Market on a regular basis as a marketing tool, her seasonal vendor fee comes out of her business’s marketing budget. Being at the Market allows her to meet her fellow vendors, create connections, and let people know what she has to offer. Her main piece of advice to other artisan vendors is, ‘decide to commit and pay the seasonal fee.’

When I spoke to Tricia Rasku of TR by Hand (purveyor of luscious hand soaps, mouthwatering vinegars, gorgeous yarns, woven blankets, and felted accessories) and asked her why she is committed to vending regularly at the local Farmers’ Market she commented that she goes to the market to interact with the people. She enjoys the atmosphere and the live music. Tricia has been a vendor since the beginnings of the Rossland Mountain Market and although she may not be at every market, she certainly is a regular vendor. Her presence at the market is consistent enough it’s easy to stop by and purchase her hand made soap before you run out, or to pick up a gift of flavoured vinegar or hand felted accessory for an upcoming occasion. Tricia, like, Susan  does not expect to sell much every time and considers anything over $50 in sales to be a successful market. As a seasoned vendor, she says that you develop a tough skin when it comes to lack of sales and other market challenges. You have to roll with it and be back again.

Making a commitment to your Farmers’ Market won’t, by itself, ensure success, but being there week after week will help solidify you as a market presence. This in turn will help to encourage new and repeat business. When a vendor makes a seasonal commitment they become a stable and reliable presence, one that customers of the Farmers’ Market can count on. The following scenario is worth some consideration if you are still feeling skeptical: Maybe last week someone came by your booth, they oohed and aahed over your gorgeous work, but they did not purchase anything. What if they return next week, cash in hand for that item they just loved and what if you are not there? What if they have thought of the perfect gift and want to give you a custom order to make it for them, but didn’t pick up your business card last time? If you are not at the next market, they may wait until the following one, but without knowing that they can find you again they’ll look elsewhere. Bottom line, as an artisan vendor, a committed and continued presence at the Market will bring in more sales then a sporadic presence.

Which Fibre is It? 

I love to scour my local thrift store for awesome yarn and fabric finds! Most of the time those finds don't come with a label. Even though my sense of touch is pretty good these days, sometimes it can be very hard to distinguish between the synthetic and natural fibres. So what do I do? There is touch, which I already mentioned and then there is smell. Most animal/protein fibres smell like wet dog if I dunk them in water. What about plant fibres though; cotten, hemp, flax? Most of the ways to determine the difference between natural and synthetic fibres are quite subjective. Without actually using a microscope to view the fibres structure, I may never know for sure, but one of the best subjective tests is the burn test. I found a great PDF Document by Pacific Fabrics outlining the Burn Test and what to expect from different fibres.

For my first square I used a beautifully soft pink yarn I found at the thrift store. I am not sure exactly what the fibres and so I am going to use the burn test to see if I can find out.

I split this yarn to do the burn test as it is plied. 

Each single is distinctly different.

When I burnt the thin single (upper strand) I smelt burnt hair and it shrunk from the flame. The bead was black. The strands are thin, smooth, even and shiny. Using the burn test, as well as my knowledge of fibre I think it is silk. The lower strand, which is fluffy and soft, burned quickly with a flame, a little bit of sputter and melt. The black bead at the end breaks and is crumbly. However some of the small beads are not, they are hard and irregular. The smell is chemical and burnt hair. I think this fibre is a blend of animal fibre (maybe mohair) and acrylic.

Remember always to use caution when dealing with open flame. I burnt my wool over the sink in the kitchen. Good ventilation is also important. Make sure you understand how to use a butane lighter and properly put out the flame. 

Happy Testing Everyone

My Granny Could Knit That

For the month of April I have undertaken a personal challenge to create an Art Blanket (Piece Work Quilt). This personal challenge is undertaken in support of the local Farmers Market.
Please support me in this challenge by clicking the link at the bottom of this post and donating on my challenge page.
All funds collected go directly to the Rossland Mountain Market Society. 

Throughout the month I will be posting updates (on my yodel challenge page), patterns, how to videos, and fun fibre world facts for everyone to enjoy. Happy April Everyone!

Not sure what this yodel thing is all about? Watch this short video.

Find Out More About My Challenge and How to Support Me.